Caregiver

I’m currently the sole caregiver for a man I’m not even married to.  My boyfriend of the past 2 and a half years was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 this summer.  We’ve been going through this as a couple to make it easier on him, but it’s been really hard on me as well.  He needs a constant routine that is reliable-which i provide for him, but he doesn’t feel as if he contributes the way I do.  We’re constantly battling bipolar conversations and events in our life together are contingent on whether or not the bipolar side of him can handle it.  It’s tiresome-so why do I do it people have asked.

I take exceptional care of him because I would want someone to do it for me.  Plus I’m all he has.  I can’t say that I enjoy it all the time.  I can’t even say I’d choose the same path if I had it to do over again.  It’s hard; taking care of someone with this disorder wears on both the person with the disease and the person who takes care of them.  The therapy and the amount of studying I put in to keep up with the latest treatment take up as much of my time as school and work do.  I have to stay on top of medical advances and discoveries so that he can be ok one more day.

He’s been in college the past 10 years.  He’s 30.  I only resent him when I need attention he isn’t able to give me.

I’m actually in Texas this week while he’s at home in Mississippi.  He said he missed me so he went out to the bar with a long time friend last night.  He never goes out with me-I’m always the one at the bar by myself.  It’s sad since we actually used to enjoy going out together.

Bipolar runs in my family as well.  I’m terrified of the possibility of my children ending up like this.

It’s such a vicious disease and it negatively affects the people who are closet to you.

This is my therapy.  I want to help-maybe other people will read this and know they’re doing the best they can-just like me.