My life-in short snippets so I don't go crazy

Deception

kareneliz — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 18:48:18 +0000

I deceive him to protect him,

Saying yes, we’ll still be friends,

When I know the relationship will end.

Putting on my happy face and smiling,

My burden is to be the brave one.

Too much of this pain isn’t mine,

He needs me more than I need him.

While he’s making plans for us,

I’m making plans for me,

Slowly drifting away,

Leaving him on his own.

I deceive him to prepare him,

To give him the strength I have.

Once I’m sure he’s ready,

And I’ve done all I can,

I’ll pack my house and break his heart,

But by then he’ll understand;

He always had the courage to do it alone.

He’ll be brave enough to make it without me,

And I’ll take care of myself for a while.

Maybe someday I’ll find someone who

Takes as good care of me as I did of him.

Caregiver

kareneliz — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:54:45 +0000

I’m currently the sole caregiver for a man I’m not even married to. My boyfriend of the past 2 and a half years was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 this summer. We’ve been going through this as a couple to make it easier on him, but it’s been really hard on me as well. He needs a constant routine that is reliable-which i provide for him, but he doesn’t feel as if he contributes the way I do. We’re constantly battling bipolar conversations and events in our life together are contingent on whether or not the bipolar side of him can handle it. It’s tiresome-so why do I do it people have asked.

I take exceptional care of him because I would want someone to do it for me. Plus I’m all he has. I can’t say that I enjoy it all the time. I can’t even say I’d choose the same path if I had it to do over again. It’s hard; taking care of someone with this disorder wears on both the person with the disease and the person who takes care of them. The therapy and the amount of studying I put in to keep up with the latest treatment take up as much of my time as school and work do. I have to stay on top of medical advances and discoveries so that he can be ok one more day.

He’s been in college the past 10 years. He’s 30. I only resent him when I need attention he isn’t able to give me.

I’m actually in Texas this week while he’s at home in Mississippi. He said he missed me so he went out to the bar with a long time friend last night. He never goes out with me-I’m always the one at the bar by myself. It’s sad since we actually used to enjoy going out together.

Bipolar runs in my family as well. I’m terrified of the possibility of my children ending up like this.

It’s such a vicious disease and it negatively affects the people who are closet to you.

This is my therapy. I want to help-maybe other people will read this and know they’re doing the best they can-just like me.

Door to Door Saleswoman

kareneliz — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 18:11:41 +0000

When you apply for a job that won’t tell you anything about what it is they do specifically, don’t take the interview unless you plain just don’t have anything else to do. The company called themselves an outsourcing consulting firm that outsourced it workers for clients’ use. I had no idea that meant door to door salesman!

I went in for my first interview on tuesday and they immediately wanted me back for a full day interview on wednesday; and they were sure to mention that not everyone made it back for the 2nd interview.

I went with a very friendly girl on my 2nd interview-she was super gung-ho about the job. I couldn’t believe some of the devious things that i heard come out of her mouth to get the people to sign up with her. She would say to me, “I’m just trying to save them money and if they don’t want that I can always find someone else to help.” It took a ton of self control not to brust out laughing every time she said it. I guess it made her feel better.

She wouldn’t tell me anything about the company until lunch time-which was at 4 freakin o’clock. And if I asked a question before lunch she wouldn’t tell me anything except that we’ll go over that at lunch.

It was a super shady way to go about an interview and not the way I prefer to be treated. More lessons learned I suppose.

Kitty

kareneliz — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 11:37:44 +0000

So, my first post has to do with my mom’s cat. He had to be put down today and it was really hard for me. Boots was with us since my teenage years. Boots was gray and white and had a pink nose. My favorite memory of him has to be that he always looked spaced out and oblivious to what was going on around him; I’m sure it was more like he just didn’t care and preferred to seem oblivious. He used to hit his head on the table leg or wall or some other inanimate object when he wanted to be loved on. My family and I always swore he’d give himself brain damage if he did it one more time. We have no idea how he broke his leg, but my mom and dad aren’t the type to spend 2000-3000 dollars on an animal. We didn’t want him to be miserable either. And as much as it killed me to know what was happening, I prefer to remember him as happy and goofy rather than broken and stuck in an unhappy situation. Even when we’re grown ups we learn little kid lessons.